In my last blog post I talked about the power of feeling and noticing what feels good in your life. However, it is equally powerful to feel the hard feels. In today’s post I will talk about the way we typically deal with feelings and propose an alternative way of approaching feelings, that in the long run (and even in the moment, ultimately), will provide more ease, calm and happiness.
Feelings accumulate
We carry around a huge accumulation of negative thoughts, feelings and beliefs about ourselves and then when something happens that reminds us of one of those things, or triggers unconscious memories of those things, we react as if the thing is happening again, rather than staying present with what is actually happening in that moment.
It ends up causing us a great deal of unnecessary stress, anxiety, or distress in our lives and makes us feel disconnected from ourselves and others.
After years of doing this we have accumulated a lot of muck, as I call it. Clearing this muck begins with starting to feel your feelings when they happen, rather than suppressing, expressing or escaping from them, which are the 3 ways we tend to manage feelings.
Feelings are like waves
Consider treating your feelings like a wave that is washing over you because a wave is not something we can stop. Once it is coming, it is inevitable, but if we let it flow it will eventually come down, as all waves do. So when a feeling arises, just be with it, allow it to pass over you like a wave.
Feel it and see what happens. Be curious about it, open to it, as best you can. Usually it passes, but often it gets stronger first. Trust that even though it is getting stronger, it will pass or dissipate soon enough.
Try it once or twice and see what happens. Then work up to trying it more often until you just naturally allow feelings to pass through you are they arise.
We often feel like feelings have power over us, but the opposite is true. We hold the power and can simply allow the feelings to pass, without gripping us, controlling us or changing us.
Remember, you are not alone. You have you.
Warmly,
Fanshen
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